You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
