come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
