He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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