I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
