His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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