look no pants
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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