that's an acceptable place to lick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
