The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
