good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
