She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
