Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
