I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
