I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
