I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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