I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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