I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
