you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
