Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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