please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize