you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
