Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
