i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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