I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
