I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize