That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
