So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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