I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
bring money and cleavage
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
