Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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