fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
