O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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