you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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