I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well you can't waste a boner
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
