I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
