Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
