roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
