Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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