I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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