It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
do nipples grow back?
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