btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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