I wannas sexs uuuuu
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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