I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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