what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
