i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
