Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Say something about gay babies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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