Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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