I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize