so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
