Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
