i just had sex bonerless
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
