Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize