I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
