My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
