super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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