I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
