oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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