We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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