Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
