and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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