You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My nipple is on Facebook.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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