Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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