In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
