i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
