I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
