i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
where are my eyebrows?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
