She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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