I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
