the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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